How do I ask my partner to wear a condom?

I’m hesitant to ask my partner to use a condom. We never have before because I am on the pill, but we aren’t monogamous and I don’t know if he’s hooking up with lots of other girls, or if they’re clean. We talked about it once before and he said he doesn’t like the way that condoms feel. I’m nervous that if I request for him to wear one, he won’t want to have sex with me anymore.

Great job on recognizing the obvious sexual selfishness and risky behavior coming at you from your partner. Regardless if there is hard evidence of cheating or STDs or not, it is best to assume the people you are in a casual relationship with are contagious.Due to the internal and complicated nature of the female reproductive system, women have much more to lose by contracting an STD, including permanent damage to our fragile reproductive system.

Many women rely on the pill without seriously considering using condoms as well. It’s good to keep in mind that hormonal birth control methods do not protect against STDs and are not 100% effective against preventing pregnancy either. Using an additional method, like a condom, is always recommended.

How do I ask my partner to wear a condom?

Here is A Cozy Little Condom Scenario You Can Try:

He comes over to “watch a movie,” with the real intention of gettin’ it on. Before the movie title even appears, the two of you begin to make out hard on the couch. He makes his move downtown and you stop him and begin to talk about your desire to only have protected sex from now on.

“I am concerned about the health risks for both of us, so I need to be really clear when I say we need to use condoms. Since we haven’t been exclusive or tested recently, it would give me the peace of mind I need,” you say.

“Ok,” he says, “we’ll start using them next time because I don’t have any.”

This is when you suddenly bust out an arsenal of protection on his ass. Buy a variety or sampler pack so he can’t make an excuse about size, material or shape. This is when disappointment is likely to set in for him. He is realizing you mean business and that you are realizing your own safety is non-negotiable.

“But I don’t like using them,” he stammers. “It’s really hard for me to maintain an erection or cum when I wear a condom.”

“That’s too bad,” you say with a sad face, “because I can’t relax enough without using one to get any pleasure out of the act. All I can think about are the risks and consequences of what I am doing. I think you haven’t found an appropriate size or material of condom yet, if you are having that much trouble with them. That’s why I bought this sampler pack. I though we could try some out and have some fun!”

Prepare for him to become offended, because his plan is clearly backfiring at this point and he will feel slightly taken aback by your sudden assertiveness. “Look,” he says, “I don’t have any symptoms and we have had sex lots of times before without using one.”

“But,” you reply, “Do you have any proof that you’re clean? Do you have your last test results?”

“No,” he says, “Don’t you trust me?” Then, he will provide a counter attack. “Do you have YOUR last text results?”

“Nope. That’s my point,” you reply.

At this point, there is an awkward silence and you both go back to watching the movie. Eventually, you begin to make out again. He lifts up your skirt, and boom! You are already wearing a female condom! Since they can be worn for up to 8 hours, you can have this all prepped up and ready to go before your movie night. Keep in mind, it is not safe or necessary for you two to wear a male and female condom at the same time.

“What is this?” He says in a shocked tone.

“I knew you would fight me on this, so I took matters into my own hands and got ready before you came over,” you say. “It came in the sampler pack and I’ve really wanted to try it out with you,” you say as you wink slyly.

Alright, so maybe this scenario isn’t exactly how you’d like to handle the situation, but you get the idea. Take this important matter seriously and take actions to protect yourself, because he is not likely to. However, when you are a rearing to go, and you already have your protection on, he is more likely to be accepting and just go with the flow.

The key to your success in this scenario is to be sensitive to his needs, but assertive for your own sake. Sex needs to be an open conversation and if you feel like he might get angry or refuse to have sex with you, weigh the risks: is it worth having sex with someone who doesn’t respect your need for safety? Bottom line, it’s your body and your rules. What goes in it is your choice.